The Only Way Long Distance Works for Us

At the time of writing we are on the home stretch. Connor comes home soon and I've been counting down the days. It's been a long season and I would be lying if I said I wasn't glad it's almost over. I love every second of living day by day, in and out of hotels during visits, and the many incredible women I get to meet. I love the feeling of watching Connor do what he loves to do every single day. But in all reality, long distance is exhausting. I'm very fortunate that we don't have to do it 12 months out of the year, and I give so much credit to those of you who survive that. I'm fortunate that my teacher schedule provides me the flexibility to visit and support my love over the summers. I'm grateful that this baseball life provides us the opportunity to at least have one phone conversation a day. I am not saying we have it worse than anyone else, by any means. We are so, so lucky.

Regardless, the sidekick of a baseball playing man is no easy task. You have to be flexible and understanding to get by. It's a logistical nightmare to line up your daily schedule. You need to accept the hard reality that, in fact, you do come second to a sport at the moment.

Here is an idea of the hardship Connor and I face during the day:

6:30 am EST - I wake up and go to work.

1:00 pm EST (12:00 CT, his time) - Connor wakes up and heads to the field. I am teaching. Can't talk.

3:30 pm EST (2:30 CT) - Kids went home. I'm free to talk. Connor is a the field and can't talk.

12:00 am EST (11:00 CT) - Connor finishes his game and heads home. I'm halfway asleep, but stay up for a chat. I am dead. I go to sleep. Connor goes home and unwinds.

3:00 am EST (2:00 CT) - Connor goes to sleep. I get up for work in three hours.

It stinks people. It could be worse. I understand. But it stinks. So how do we make it work?

At the beginning of the season I met a new baseball girlfriend, now friend. She asked me how we made it work because she was struggling with adapting to her new routine with her man. I told her that different things work for different couples, but setting some sort of routine, regardless of what it is, would help them out in the long run.

Creating a routine together has always been first on our priority list. We made the mistake before of just winging it and it did not work well for me in all honesty. I had no idea what days I could expect a quick text message on the way to the field, I had no idea when he would get service during his few minutes of 'break' before the game starts. I had no idea what time I would get a phone call after the game. It depended on where he was, how he got to the field (walked, drove, took the team bus), what his plans were after, if he had a roommate or not, need I say more. Plain and simple, it did not work.

We realized it was difficult for me to sit around at home in the evenings waiting for my one golden phone call. The evenings were all we had but the sacrifice of sleep was hard when I didn't know when to expect the timing. We ultimately worked out a system that helped us to develop some sort of normal routine. For us that meant as soon as I got that MiLB notification on my phone saying the game had ended, I knew to expect a phone call around 45 minutes to an hour later. If it would be any later, Connor would give me a courtesy heads up. Yes it's hard to wait until the end of the evening to talk to Con, but that's just our life. He'll also shoot me a text on his way to the field. When he is on the road he does his best to do whatever he can to keep our routine consistent. It's all we have. I know things happen and each day is up in the air, especially with the exact timing being all over the place, but so far this works for us. Next year he will probably be somewhere in a different league so I know we will have to have a new discussion at the beginning of next season, especially if we are at opposite ends of the country. One day at a time.

Another reason Connor and I work is because of the incredible amount of trust we have in one another. Some of my friends will say to me, "Jenn, you're so laid back about everything with him," (Nicole, I'm talking about ya). My response is always the same. The reason I am so relaxed with Connor is because he is so relaxed with me. We enjoy when the other has fun, we encourage the other to be social, we want the other to see their friends and to meet new people. We tell each other stories and share in the laughs. We never, ever, have had a trust or jealousy issue. And this is why we work. I am relaxed because Connor is relaxed. If you're in a long distance relationship and feel like you and your significant other struggle with this, try loosening up yourself a bit. It sounds harsh but it's the honest truth! If you trust yourself, you should trust your other half. It's a two way street.

If you're in a LDR you know that being independent is important. I honestly feel like this is an advantage. Learning to love yourself and take care of yourself should always be at the top of your list, and when your loved one is gone for an extended period of time you learn quickly that you, in fact, are able to accomplish the world solo.

Yes, there are times when I truly struggle. I feel weak, I am exhausted and just want my guy to be there to answer the phone when I need him. Weddings and funerals have been missed, schedules change. Trades, promotions, demotions, release, its all on the table and a very real possibility at any given point. No plan is set in stone. I have had to learn that the hard way. But this is all a part of the process and just the way it is. I don't know where I would be today without the support of my fellow baseball girls. I know I can't relate the same to it, but the friends who have faced military deployment have been the most encouraging type (shout out to you, Julie Wiggins!). There are people who have been in my shoes before me and advice is always appreciated. I will never know enough to be prepared each time the season rolls around.

But with our tiny routines and our love and trust for one another, a truly special relationship can be built upon the foundation of distance. I have learned to communicate with Connor in ways that we would never know how to if we were together in person all of the time. It has been a blessing to us, teaching us how to quickly move on past any hiccups. It helps us to appreciate each moment together. It really keeps us in love and looking forward to the precious time we have.

I love this life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But like I said, I would be lying if I said I wasn't ready for baseball to give me my man back soon. ;)

If you're in any form of LDR, I'd love to hear from you. Please share any advice, tips, or tricks you have in the comments on this page. Let's support one another and build each other up! We've got this.

xo,

Jenn